December 2, 2013
Where Loyalty Lies
Today I was asked a peculiar question by my trainer: "When you get married, will you be loyal to your husband?" I was shocked that he even had to ask the question. My answer? A rather splutter-y "Of-of course! I mean…is that even a question? Like…what? Of course!" He caught me completely by surprise with that question…and it got me to thinking.
So many people today are moving just so. damn. fast. in relationships that it's head-spinning. And not only are they moving fast in relationships, but they're not lasting relationships. I can see how 'moving fast' is okay if that person is in your soulmate-circle* and the relationship will last a lifetime, but these relationships are two months-max and then it's over and you've "done" it all. It's crazy, at least to me!
Call me sheltered, old-fashioned, a 'prude', [insert your own adjective here] but I've always grown up with the belief system that sex is for someone you love, something that shouldn't come until you're completely ready (in all ways including emotional, physical, psychological, material etc.) and something that I personally wouldn't even consider at this age, and I know people who have done it waaay before now. I've met some people *cough* Jules, Peter, Ammie *cough* that think the way I do, which reassures me that I'm not crazy, but the majority of people have already 'done it', are 'doing it', or are doing variations of 'it' that, quite frankly, make me want to gag when thinking about 97% of the time. (I talked to Mom about it, and my wise owl informed me that the 97% gross-out comes from not finding anyone I want to do any of the above things mentioned with. The other 3% I'm not grossed-out is me thinking about people I wouldn't mind doing the things with, if you couldn't figure that out already)
Circling back to the original point of this post: loyalty. I think one of the major problems modern day relationships have is that they move too fast, and then find themselves not attracted to the person at all except for physically and so their loyalty breaks and the relationship ends. (Btw, for me there is a difference between being 'attractive' and being 'hot'. Attractive people have a nice personality, attitude, and the looks tend to follow from that. Hot people are just good-looking, either shallow and stupid or I don't know them so I wouldn't know if they're attractive or not.)
The one person in this world that I've found myself the closest to being in-love with, not mentioning any names to keep the last shred of dignity I do still have intact, shares this belief system with me. He believes sex is for later, for someone you're in love with and actually refers to himself as a 'prude'. His past girlfriends have both cheated on him/broken up with him because he doesn't, quote, "do anything". For our entire 'relationship' (or whatever the hell it was), he held my hand twice and only because the situation called for it emotionally. (Well that kind of gave it away didn't it? Oh well.) He actually lists sex as something on his bucket list, something he wants to do "eventually". It's this belief system that I found really intoxicating about him (among several other things), because I just don't find that anywhere else. I didn't appreciate it when we were spending time together, because I was very naive all those months ago (I was a total idiot this summer if you haven't figured that out already), and now that I'm a world away I realize exactly how special he is. Oh well, I can't spend my days pining after him (although goodness knows that's all I want to do some days). I have a life to get on with. But I haven't given up completely on us yet either. We're on hiatus, there's a bookmark in our story, [insert another time-pause cliche here].
So what do you think? Am I old-fashioned in believing that waiting is best? Or is rushing through a relationship a better solution to finding 'the one'? (Yes I am fully aware some people don't believe they have one) Let me know what you believe.
*--I don't really believe in 1 soulmate-per-person, but I do believe in the idea of a soulmate-circle which is a few different people you could end up with, all of them equally 'perfect' for you, depending on what paths you decided to take in life and where you are. But the idea that there's one person out there that you'll find no matter what, out of 7+ billion people, is too illogical for my astrological beliefs.
[Revision: 8/23/14: Completely disregard everything I said about the one person I was almost in love with or whatever the hell I called him: he was an asshole, a cheater, a liar, and I know now that I was not even CLOSE to Love when it came to him. But, the message of the rest of the post still stands.]