I write not only to figure out the problems in my life but also to try and help my readers with any similar problems they may be experiencing because it has been my personal history that if I'm struggling with something or questioning something, someone else is as well.
Turning sixteen was, as the movies promised, truly a life-changing experiment. I've always been "mature" for my age (I guess it depends on who you ask lols) but now that I'm that magical number 16 (hello 1+6=7 -also- 2+0+1+4=7 coincidence? I think not) things are definitely changing.
Not my family per say, they're still bat shit crazy. And I love them that way. But I feel my role, my position, and indeed myself changing. Mothers have always called me "responsible" but now this responsibility feels so much more real to me than ever before, it's weighing on my shoulders with such power that I actually feel as though life is getting very real (pardonnez le cliché s'il vous plaît)
Like this past week. I had to deal with a very...testy situation plus my father had to be taken in an ambulance to the hospital. Two 911 calls in one week is two too many. (as are 3 trips to the ER) And it's not just the big examples of how different I'm becoming and how much different my family is seeing me. It took one phone call from my Aunt that I (sadly) only see through Facebook to remind me of "how grown up you (I) are (am)" and "how much older you (I) look, older than you (I) actually are (am)". Not to mention how I am the "only thing that keeps your (my) dad going". No pressure or anything.
I hope those of you reading along at home/Starbucks/airport/wherever can relate to this. And if you do, trust me you really aren't alone. Growing up, at least for me, is a continually evolving process, a new lesson is learned everyday. Lately, the new lesson has been that responsibilities are being added and if you crush under the pressure, people around you get hurt.
That's probably the hardest thing to deal with....am I right? The thought that if you drop one responsibility you could really damage not only yourself but the people that you love. It's a really scary thought, that and the fact that the scariest word ever (ahem "future") is pressing down on us so fast, it's giving us all whiplash.
I just want to ensure everyone that you are not alone in going through all these changing experiences. The future is so freaking scary because all of a sudden now we have to think about what comes next, whether it's college or work or a gap year or what. We also are pressured into thinking even beyond that and it's so much weight on the shoulders of a sixteen year old that it's a wonder we're still standing.
I also want to point out that if you do crack under all this tremendous pressure, that does not mean you are defective or any worse than any other person going through these changes. I absolutely promise you that every. single. one of us going through these changes cracks at least once. You are not the only one crying yourself to sleep (or in my case, crying and then forcing myself to stay awake so I don't wake up with puffy eyes), or feeling like you want to stay in bed all the time. Hell, if I had the option I'd be under the covers with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and cheesy popcorn right now!
But, I think that along with these new responsibilities comes a change within ourselves that keeps us from slacking off. It's this incredible super power called "maturity". Cool word right? It's a superpower that will grow within us as we ourselves "grow up", and it's the very thing that keeps us from trying our damn hardest to not slack off and to become the people all these responsibilities are forcing us to be.
Yes, growing up sucks the majority of the time. Having to be the "responsible one" of your friends because you have more responsibilities on your shoulders than they do at that moment in time also sucks. But in time, you'll realize that this maturity thing growing inside of you strengthens your shoulders. It draws in your back and puffs out your chest. It makes you realize that you are strong enough to handle these responsibilities and even more when they pile on.
(And maybe it will also teach you that you always were strong enough to handle them, it just took some time, some tears, and some fro-yo to figure it out. ;)
P.S. As always, if you have any comments about this post feel free to leave them here or to click over to my Tumblr page and drop me a note in my ask box, anonymous or not! Stay fabulous dears. <3