March 24, 2015

La Future

The future is a scary place. It's full of decision-making, bill-paying, ordering your own pizza AND paying for it yourself! That's scary.
I think every teenager knows this feeling. Anxiety, dread, anticipation, and excitement are all bouncing around us like bumblebees in the hive. Half the time I can't wait to get to to college and really start seeing what life has to offer me. ('Bring It On: Again'-style) Other times I plead with the universe to let me sleep and then magically wake up when I'm 24 with a gorgeous apartment, dream job, and life I've dreamt of. (à la 'Sixteen Wishes') Still other times I wish I was six again and could re-live my whole life until this point. (I was six 11 years ago. Gulp.)

Ever since I was probably about seven (having outgrown the phase where I wanted to be a garbage collector) I've wanted to be an author. I've loved story telling and new ideas are constantly popping up in my head. I've also always enjoyed the freedom to travel and see our world. I'd love to be an author, and I absolutely adore my creative outlet here as well. Too many adults have now planted the idea that writer = no money, and no money = no travel. 
First of all....great message to give to someone who just told you how enthusiastic they were about chasing after their dream! I can't really be mad at most of you because you had my best interest at heart. Secondly, where did the idea that devoting your life to an art means you'll earn pennies instead of pounds? Um hello, J.K. Rowling? I mean, she's the extreme case but....still.

This got me over thinking (as everything does) and, in a moment of weakness I'll admit, I decided 'eh, I guess I can just be a lawyer'. Now, I've spent waaay too many nights awake in bed pondering this decision. Sobbing over it. Crying out to the Universe/God "tell me what to do!"

Recently, my tune has changed. After some life-altering advice from Amrita, best friend and spiritual guide to life (as well as resident dim bass), and (more reserved) encouragement from my mother I've decided I simply have to give my dreams of being an author and a writer a try. I mean, how many bitter adults do I know that hate their jobs and basically live unhappy existences? Too many. That's not life. At least, it won't be my life.

I also stopped begging for someone to tell me what to do--it's my life, it's my decision. I started asking for whoever is up There to simply give me the courage to follow my dreams. (And existentially I suppose begging my own subconscious to give my present self the courage) And while I'm pursuing these dreams, I can also be studying for a law degree--just in case. It never hurts to have a backup plan and, if you're anything like me, it's almost necessary to allow normal life and breathing functions to occur. 

I know that anywhere I end up, I'll have people that love me and support me and that's so critical. Now I just have to decide what I'm doing with my life. 

As teenagers, we're the moodiest, most-stressed out age group there is. I mean, we aren't supposed to drink before we're 21, we can't get tattoos or vote until we're 18, and we can't even drive until we've passed like 80 tests and have turned 16/17 but by all means let's make decisions that will affect the rest of our lives right around this time. 
Look, this time isn't easy for any of us. It's stressful and hella confusing, emotionally and mentally. Not to mention exhausting. If you compare yourself to others (which I strongly recommend you almost never do) and you don't see them struggling, that doesn't mean they aren't! It also doesn't mean your feelings and struggles aren't valid. Every single teenager has gone through stuff like this. And will continue to do so. We can make it, we really truly can. 

Maybe I don't have it all figured out. Okay, I definitely don't. But very few people do. And that's okay. 

If you need any advice, or you have any advice to give on how to get through high school and move onto the next stage of life without our heads exploding, please feel free to comment. 

Stay true butterflies 


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